I Get the Gist of It

May 21

Well Made Ads for Poorly Made Ideologies -

daesinconfused:

Just because someone believes in creationism doesn’t mean they can’t hire a dope ad agency. Check out this article I wrote for Portable.tv

May 08

Nostalgia Boner: Remembering HBO's Late-Night "Porn Documentaries" [NSFW] -

(Source: daesinconfused)

May 06

7 Great Weird Documentaries Espousing Out-There Theories -

I wrote a list of really well made documentaries that are made by people with batshit crazy opinions/theories. 

Apr 16

Drugs, And The Movies That Make Me Want To Do Them -

daesinconfused:

Wrote this. 

Apr 09

raccoonsarenotafraidofpeople:

Joe Bussiere

Dude I get lunch here 3 days a week. 

raccoonsarenotafraidofpeople:

Joe Bussiere

Dude I get lunch here 3 days a week. 

Apr 08

Interview with Twin Peaks co-creator Mark Frost -

daesinconfused:

It’s Twin Peaks day! Today is the 23rd anniversary of the premiere of Twin Peaks, so read my interview with Twin Peaks co-creator Mark Frost.

Jul 19

Thoughts on Things: Interview with Birdemic's Alan Bagh -

Our creator’s triumphant return to Tumblr is nothing but self-promotion! But seriously folks, there should be two new Gists up by middle of next week. Also submit your own, please. I have nothing. 

snmrrw:

An Interview with Alan Bagh: Star of the Worst Movie Ever Made

I recently got the opportunity to interview someone who participated in the worst movie ever made. It was awesome.

P: Birdemic has a great environmental message: the birdemic is caused by global warming and pollution….

(Source: daesinconfused)

May 17

"The Killing" by Jeremy Glass

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY

SARAH LINDEN and STEPHEN HOLDER drink huge bowls of coffee

STEPHEN: You know what I love about Seattle?

SARAH: If you say ’the coffee’ so help me god, I’ll reach across this table and jam my cell phone down your throat so hard, you’ll be pooping batteries for the rest of your life.

Stephen drinks down her entire bowl of coffee in silence.

STEPHEN: I was just trying to make some conversation, you know, to get our minds off that killing.

SARAH: Not even a big deal, because it’s like: what’s more fun than leaving behind your husband and son for the Pacific Northwest, where everything IS SOAKING WET 365 DAYS A YEAR.

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Feb 26

Liveblogging The Oscars without actually watching them

Hi, I’m Sean. I’m not watching The Oscars, but this is what I think of them.

9:19PM: That dress looks hideous on Billy Crystal.

9:25PM: Oh look, Sacha Baron Cohen is in character.

9:27PM: Hmm, I didn’t know His Holiness the Dalai Lama worked on lighting design.

9:30PM: Oh look, Rooney Mara is in character. 

9:32PM: Doritos commercial, I agree, Doritos are a quality product.

9:36PM: Hmm, I thought Angelina Jolie was just an urban legend.

9:40PM: Where’s Dax Shepard?

9:41PM: Oh, there he is. 

9:42PM: I’m disappointed with these results, the Academy is a sham!

9:45PM: Congrats, Dean Pelton!

9:47PM: I hope Chris Cooper is alright, that looked like a pretty serious stroke, and he’s one of my favorite actors. My prayers are with with him and his family.

9:49PM: I thought bestiality was still illegal in California?

9:52PM: Jesus, that was a long fucking speech.

9:55PM: Whitney Houston died this year?

9:58PM: Hugo? More like Hugoes to see that in the theater, am I right?

9:59PM: I saw Hugo in the theater.

10:00PM: How long is this thing anyway? 

10:05PM: Yo, David Fincher, remember when you made Panic Room? That was pretty cool.

10:09PM: Ugh, Heath Ledger only won because he died. Lame!

10:11PM: Why didn’t Breaking Bad get nominated for anything? 

10:13PM: OK, I can’t even watch this boring shit in my own goddamn imagination anymore. I don’t even have a punchline for you. Good night everyone.

Feb 07

"Game of Thrones" by Sean Morrow

EXT. VAGUELY MEDIEVAL VILLAGE 

EDDARD STARK is proclaiming to a TOPLESS WENCH.

EDDARD STARK: Winter is coming.

TOPLESS WENCH: Oh my. I hope the old Gods will protect us. 

EDDARD STARK: Nothing can protect us… Winter is coming. Bring in the man to be executed!

TWO GUARDS bring in PEASANT. The guards violently sever his head. Blood spurts out of his neck artery all over Topless Wench’s VOLUPTUOUS BREASTS.

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Jan 14

"Dexter" by Natasha Ochshorn

DEXTER walks up to his friends MARIA and ANGEL, both of whom are law enforcement officers, at a crime scene.

DEXTER: Hey guys, how’s it going with that routine serial killing?

 ANGEL: Why? Did your corn flakes try to choke you this morning? Get it? Cereal?

MARIA: Dexter, you don’t look so good.

DEXTER: It’s nothing. You guys know about my interest in serial murders!

ANGEL: You know, I’ve never put it together before!

MARIA: Hey, you’ve got some blood on your face.

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Jan 11

"The Big Bang Theory" by Greg Fox

LAWYER: I’m sorry Mr. Cooper- not only is there very little evidence to suggest that you composed Brian Eno’s Another Green World, but there’s also copious evidence that the writing, recording, and release of the album all predate your birth by several years.

SHELDON: But dammit, man, do I have a case?

LAWYER: I’m sorry.  I’ll have to ask you leave, right after I fire whoever let you in.

BRIAN ENO casually pops his head into the room.

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Dec 29

"Glee" by Sean Morrow

RACHEL (CONTINUED): and sequins!

FINN: We can’t use sequins. We used sequins for the last show!

RACHEL: But, sequins!

FINN: I’m thinking feathers. 

RACHEL: You are the worst human being to ever walk on the face of this planet! This is the most important issue that could possibly grace us, do you not understand the importance of our outfits? Fashion and glamour are the glue of mankind, the very substance of our universe!

FINN: I agree, and that’s why we should wear feathers.

RACHEL: I can’t handle this anymore! The suffering!

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Dec 28

"Lost" by Christopher Donahue

EXT. - ISLAND - DAY

A plane crashes into the sand. There are a lot of big bangs and a lot of smoke. HURLEY, a big curly haired guy, emerges from the plane. He looks confused. SAWYER then emerges from the plane. He is a guy too. His hair is less curly and he is smaller than Hurley.

HURLEY: Sawyer, what happened?

SAWYER: I don’t know Hurley. The last thing I remember we…

A loud scream is heard from the woods and some other noises, like a growl or something.

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