“Glee” by Sean Morrow
RACHEL (CONTINUED): and sequins!
FINN: We can’t use sequins. We used sequins for the last show!
RACHEL: But, sequins!
FINN: I’m thinking feathers.
RACHEL: You are the worst human being to ever walk on the face of this planet! This is the most important issue that could possibly grace us, do you not understand the importance of our outfits? Fashion and glamour are the glue of mankind, the very substance of our universe!
FINN: I agree, and that’s why we should wear feathers.
RACHEL: I can’t handle this anymore! The suffering!
RACHEL storms out of the room.
FINN: Rachel, no! I love you! Unless I’m gay, I’m not sure.
A FULL ORCHESTRA begins to play, and FINN performs THE BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC, a complete routine of song and dance.
FINN: Wow, I feel a lot better.
ARTIE and KURT enter, KURT is crying.
KURT: We’ve been disincluded from something!
FINN: Dear god.